


Before The First Snow Melts

by doieagenda



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Holidays, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Renhyuck bffs, Snow, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Xiaoren, markhyuck, mentioned jaewin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28729410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doieagenda/pseuds/doieagenda
Summary: Donghyuck looked like Mark was his whole world while Renjun looked at Donghyuck.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 94





	Before The First Snow Melts

**Author's Note:**

> Henlo, I am on renhyuck lockdown again as you can see with the amount of renhyuck I post. This was supposed to be posted on Christmas as a holiday fic but then I got lazy and forgot about it hehe sorry bout that. This fic is very loosely based on I.O.U so yall might see some references here and there. The title is also a line from the song.
> 
> Anyway, here it is! please enjoy reading it :D

> **I.**

Renjun knew the demands of being called and considered as Lee Donghyuck’s best friend. He knew that from the moment he talked and befriended him, that it’s not going to be smooth sailing. 

Donghyuck’s mouth is as sharp as his. Sometimes, they’d find themselves barking at each other for something so petty and stupid. He is normally quick-witted and his brain to mouth filter doesn’t always work out for the rest of them. When he does take a jab at Renjun, venom laced each word that came from his mouth.

He had no impulse control. Renjun finds Donghyuck splurging on things that wouldn’t even matter in 2 months' time. He sees him do things without processing the consequences of the said action, leaving Renjun to clean up after him. 

Donghyuck doesn’t know the concept of personal space which Renjun absolutely hates because sometimes, he needs his alone time and he just can’t when Donghyuck is there to smother him with affection. He clings to Renjun like a damp shirt after P.E. but the older absolutely detests skinship. 

What’s funny is, those aren’t even the things that make it hard for Renjun as Donghyuck’s best friend. He doesn’t mind their bickering because after 10 minutes, they’d find themselves conversing as if no offensive words were dropped. He doesn’t mind that he’d come home to his annoyed neighbors with eight packages on their front door, all because a particular Lee Donghyuck mistyped their address. And he certainly doesn’t mind when he wakes up and Donghyuck is there beside him, arms wrapped around his waist and legs tangled with his, despite having his own bed in another room.

Because the funny thing is, it’s only hard because Renjun is irrevocably and pathetically in love with Donghyuck.

> **II.**

Renjun saw it coming. He really did. 

They had been assigned as roommates at the start of college and been inseparable ever since. Donghyuck isn’t him without Renjun, and he wouldn’t be him without Donghyuck. It’s just the rule of the universe, he thinks.

It was easy at first. Ignoring the nagging feeling of harboring a silly crush on his roommate slash first Korean friend.

Fresh from China, everything excited Renjun. It was like he was a child in a giant playground. 

Except the playground is Seoul and he was already nearing his adulthood.

There was little room in his mind for his attractive and funny roommate, Lee Donghyuck who hailed from Jeju apparently. 

With his limited korean vocabulary, he strutted his way through the local streets with Donghyuck and his friend Mark showing him the reins. 

It wasn’t long that the glamour of living in a new city faded away. Renjun got swamped with the reality that he’s in college and that it was actually shit living far away from the place you called home. 

Donghyuck was the first one to see through his tough facade and had been the one to comfort him through tear-stained and deprecating nights. Renjun hated showing how weak and vulnerable he was in front of someone he’s only met for less than a year, but Donghyuck assured him that he doesn’t judge him. 

In fact, he’d said he will endure many more sleepless nights of lulling Renjun to sleep just to never see him sad again. He remembered how fast his heart was beating the moment those words slipped past Donghyuck’s lips. How he felt comfort in the warmth of his hug seeping through him. 

He remembers how he thought, ‘ _shit, I am in love with him.’_

> **III.**

When Renjun was presented his options, he’d always secretly choose Donghyuck first. Unfortunately, he came an ugly second when Donghyuck was presented with his because, first in his list was the ever so charming and perfect Mark Lee.

Renjun tried hating Mark the first time Donghyuck introduced him. Jealousy was green. All he saw was this green monster ready to devour him at the sight of Mark and Donghyuck sharing knowing glances and exchanging jokes only the two of them understood. 

If Donghyuck clung to him like a damp shirt, he adhered to Mark like he was a part of the other’s body. Literally joint at the hip. He’d drape an absentminded arm around Mark’s shoulder and put his head on his shoulder. He would play with his fingers, pat his head endearingly, beam at him brightly...

And all of it looked natural. 

Renjun guesses that it’s not only the way they’ve known each other since they were tots, it’s just the easy way the two fit into each other and Renjun is just there like an abnormal wart or possibly an extra finger.

He also guesses that there is nothing else he can do but just exist in Donghyuck and Mark’s world because something about Mark Lee makes it impossible for Renjun to hate him. 

He was warm-hearted, genuine, and welcoming. Extending their small world to someone as detached as Renjun. 

In a race for number one, Huang Renjun will always be miles away from Mark Lee and for a while he just accepted that truth. 

> **IV.**

It turns out, accepting that truth didn’t last long because soon enough, he takes the plunge and falls deeper into the complicated situation that is attached to liking Donghyuck.

“Renjunnie,” Donghyuck calls out from their common room couch. He hums, trying to ignore the smooth way his name sounds when he says it and focuses on the canvas he’s painting on.

“I have something to tell you.”

Renjun takes one look at Donghyuck who was fidgeting nervously and sighs. He puts the brush he’s holding into the cup and wipes his hands on his sweats.

“What is it?” He replies, walking over to the couch where Donghyuck is. 

“You know, you’re my best friend right?” He starts. 

Something churns in Renjun’s gut. He wasn’t sure what it was but he feels that it’s something bad. Also...

 _Best friend_ rings in his ear a little longer than it should’ve.

“Yeah, why?” 

“So you can keep my secret, right?”

He nods and smiles tightly, waiting for the bomb Donghyuck will drop on him. “Of course, don’t you trust me?”

The other’s eyes went wide and he quickly shook his head. “No! It’s just..”

Renjun bows his head and meets Donghyuck’s eyes. Somehow, he’s surprised the frantic beating of his heart isn’t palpable through the silence that just permeated through them. 

“Just?” 

Donghyuck holds up his pinkie finger and stares at him expectantly. “Promise me this stays between us.”

Renjun links his finger to the other and they swear on it. Whatever this secret was. 

“Okay, now tell me,” he prods. 

“I’m in love with Mark.”

His composure falters, just a millisecond before he picks himself right back up, offering his best friend an understanding smile. On the inside, it felt like concrete drying in his chest. The heartbreak ran through him like a cold.

“That’s great! You two would look amazing together,” Renjun croaks out, forcing a grin to come to his face because he is Donghyuck’s best friend, and this is something out of his control.

He never forgets how wide Donghyuck smiled after that. It looked like it was going to crack through his face. Donghyuck would never smile for him like that.

> **V.**

Ever since then, Renjun developed an unnecessary fixation on everything Donghyuck does with Mark. It was as if every touch, every gaze, and every word that was directed to the other heightened all his senses. Everything that he forced himself to ignore, gradually became noticeable. 

It’s actually insane. 

Sweet, poor Mark only sees Donghyuck’s ministrations and gestures as acts of friendliness. Everything, a product of their platonic circle. 

It was easy to believe that there is that line between being friendly and being… you know, _friendly._ Renjun draws it until it blurs, because Donghyuck is someone he has been reading for so long and if he didn’t tell Renjun about his crush, he wouldn’t sit still. Because, while he gets almost the same treatment from the other, there is something different in Donghyuck’s eyes while he talks to Mark. It twinkles and it curves into these beautiful crescents, wrinkles adoring the sides. 

Donghyuck looked like Mark was his whole world while Renjun looked at Donghyuck.

> **VI.**

Obviously, it didn’t get easier for Renjun. He’d been the dump truck for all of the younger one’s ramblings about Mark. If he hears one more word about how fluffy Mark looks after waking up or how hot he is playing the guitar, Renjun would actually pull his hair out.

But he’s trained himself after the first few weeks. Nod, smile, and offer half-assed advice that Donghyuck would gladly eat up because he’s easily swayed like that.

Renjun would swallow down the bile forming in his throat and show Donghyuck a supportive grin. Sometimes, he thinks he’s fine with being just a friend, but then he’d also want to be on the receiving end of Donghyuck’s loving looks.

He badly wants to be someone’s world too. Not just a roommate, or advice giver, or friend who binges on yogurt drink when stressed. But he just locks all those thoughts in the very back of his mind since Renjun’s okay with this. It’s not like he can replace Mark Lee anyway. 

“Do you wanna watch this film with me?” Donghyuck asks him, holding up his phone showing a poster of Weathering With You. He bites on his lip and ponders whether he could leave his plates that were due the next day.

“It’s the premium theater, we can cuddle and lie down.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, like I’d let you.”

“Oh trust me, you would.” 

Renjun didn’t.

Well, he wanted to because it was absolutely freezing in that theater. It was like below freezing point probably, and all he wore was this thin long sleeved shirt that served no purpose. 

But he didn’t, simply because Donghyuck invited Mark Lee and they were the ones who cuddled. 

Renjun scooted a few inches away from the two and ate his popcorn in peace (or in distress, he’s unsure). He side eyes Donghyuck and Mark, the two snuggly hugging each other and whispering things Renjun has no clue about. 

He doesn’t want to know anyway. All he wants is to light himself on fire and get the hell away from them. 

Munching on his popcorn, he feels a nudge on his foot. Donghyuck sends him a questioning look and tilts his head like a confused puppy. Renjun just shakes his head and tries to divert all his attention to the movie again, ignoring how far away he feels to the both of them even if it’s just a few inches apart.

✩

There are times when Renjun feels like he’d have a chance with Donghyuck. Of course he’d delude himself into thinking that when the other boy just plays with his heart unintentionally. 

Renjun knows that he wouldn’t do it on purpose. To him, Renjun is nothing but a close friend who is very supportive of his pining. All of the feelings Renjun had been harboring for him, slowly kept away in some hidden compartment in his heart.

It’s not like Donghyuck knows but it’s probably safer that way. 

They have been watching The Kissing Booth— much to Renjun’s chagrin— on Donghyuck’s bed. Some time ago after their midterm exams, Donghyuck suggested that they should hold weekend movie nights, with cuddling and the scent of popcorn floating through their whole dorm. 

Usually, they watch movies on Renjun’s bed but for some reason, it was him who insisted that they should do it on Donghyuck’s in the guise that his bed is bigger in the guise that his bed is bigger. And well, it is. But some part of him— the self-preserving part of him— just pleads to get a little distance apart. His mind says stay away, but his heart says cling to a sliver of hope.

That doesn’t stop Donghyuck from sticking closer to him, no matter how bigger his bed is compared to Renjun’s.

In every way he turns his head, he sees Donghyuck, smells him, hears him, _feels_ him. Every peaceful heave of his chest, the moles peppered on his beautiful skin, the subtle coconut tropical scent of his hair, and even the dip of his collarbones peeking from his ratty and stretched out band shirt.

His breath hitches because everything is so beautiful, and everything so irrefutably Donghyuck.

“Why are you staring at me?” Donghyuck asks, pausing the movie. 

Masking his embarrassment, Renjun coughs awkwardly and quickly averts his gaze to anything but him. “It’s because you have something on your face.”

He consciously touches his face and tries to find the thing the other was pointing at. “What is it?”

“Ugly.”

It takes Donghyuck a few seconds to react properly to his teasing but he eventually catches on and discards the laptop on his bedside table. He grabs Renjun by the waist and starts poking his sides, eliciting a hearty and embarrassing chortle out of him. 

“You sound like a fucking donkey,” Donghyuck utters, earning a slap on the chest from Renjun. 

“You’re so annoying,” he groans out, clutching his stomach from all the laughing. 

“Thanks,” The younger one grins. “It’s my specialty.”

A few seconds of silence cuts through them but it was far from awkward though. The air in Donghyuck’s room was light and comfortable. 

It makes Renjun feel secure, more here than in the confines of his own room. Donghyuck wraps his arms and legs around Renjun, and nuzzles his face in his neck. Again, his breath hitches but he forces himself to get it back to normal. 

“Renjun,” Donghyuck whispers. 

“Yeah?” He hums, a little hopeful lilt to his voice. 

“I wish I could be hugging Mark like this.” 

Renjun looks down to Donghyuck who has his eyes shut peacefully, even breaths fanning his neck. Good thing he had his eyes closed, or else he’d have to witness how Renjun’s world came crashing down once again. 

His heart breaks. It breaks into little tiny shards that pierces throughout all his internal organs and leaves him bleeding. And for the first time in the months that he liked (loved) Donghyuck, the yearning that once replaced the blood in his veins, turned into hurt and aching. 

Allowing himself the pinch of self-preservation he has remaining, excuses himself and goes back to his room.

> **VII.**

For reasons unbeknownst to Renjun, the universe hates him so much. 

So, so, so much. 

Self-preservation be damned. He has none left and nothing he says will be sufficient enough for his cousin to not shave his head after this minor error.

Sicheng had been bugging him about the wedding for _months._ He can’t believe he forgot about the goddamn wedding. His cousin wouldn’t let him off the hook about all the preparations and the insider scoop about what happens in his and his fiance, Jaehyun’s relationship. Why did he think he could get away with booking a flight from Seoul to Wenzhou before the holidays. Almost everything is full and the prices hiked so high, it goes way beyond his student budget.

Why do people have to go to Wenzhou and why does Sicheng have to get married on christmas?

Renjun is so close to throwing his laptop and himself out the dorm window. The next flight available is exactly on the wedding day. If he books this flight now, he has exactly an hour and a half to get ready and run to the wedding. Thinking about his chances, he clicks the confirmation button and groans. 

Sicheng is so going to murder him.

He texts his friend Yangyang a flurry of panicked texts about Sicheng, murder and being dead at 19, which makes the other reply he’s coming over in 10 minutes. 

“Fuck,” he mutters to himself when he rereads his flight details again. The door opens and a humming Donghyuck comes in. He hangs his scarf on their rack and shakes off his boots. Renjun takes one glance at him and feels the blood rise up to his cheeks. 

Good thing the cold is a sensible excuse for it. 

“Renjunnie,” he sings. “What you up to?” 

He closes his laptop and groans, banging his head on the kitchen counter. 

“Why?”

“I forgot to book a flight for my cousin’s wedding and he’s going to murder me,” he grunts, glaring at his laptop. 

“Your body is conveniently small. He’s gonna have no problems luggin you around,” Donghyuck quips, laughing at his own joke. 

_‘He’s so lame,’_ Renjun thinks fondly but reaches out to flick him on the forehead anyway. 

“You’re so happy about how I could potentially die in the hands of a Dong Sicheng. He looks like a marshmallow but he could kill me and he can charm you to think that I ran away to Alaska and I am never coming back or something,” he rambles, eyebrows knitting together as he forms this dramatic scenario in his head.

Shaking his head and chuckling lightheartedly, Donghyuck walks behind Renjun and massages his shoulders. “And you call me a drama queen.”

He pouts as a reply and relaxes into the other’s fingers on his back. 

“Anyway, if it makes you feel better about your situation, I was thinking about something.”

“Oh no that can’t be good,” he gasps, making Donghyuck punch him on the back lightly. 

“I was thinking about Mark.”

Renjun hides his sudden discomfort with a snort. “When are you not?”

_Of course, it would be about Mark again._

Donghyuck ignores him and continues, “but I was also thinking about you.”

He whips his head to Donghyuck who was just there sporting the stupid breathtaking smile on his face. “What?”

“I mean, if you think about it— which I hope you don’t— you’re exactly my type. It’s just that my heart chose Mark and if ever we become… you know, boyfriends, I don’t want you to feel lonely.” 

Renjun squints his eyes accusingly at Donghyuck who looks so satisfied with where this is going. He just wants to get out of there. 

“So, I am setting you up with my friend, Sungchan!” He exclaims, clapping his hands like he just thought of a cure for cancer.

“How are you so sure you and-”

He was going to spew out his response but their doorbell resounded throughout the room. Grateful for it, Renjun sprints to the door and opens it, revealing Yangyang who was carrying a bag from the convenience store. 

“I brought chips!” He yells enthusiastically, welcoming himself in the borders of Renjun and Donghyuck’s dorm. Yangyang waves to Donghyuck who now sits on the kitchen counter, a confused look gracing his features. 

“Hey! I didn’t know Renjun invited you,” He says plastering a grin to his once confused face. 

Yangyang nods and puts his coat on their rack. “Yeah, he texted me about murder and tickets in panicked Mandarin. It was concerning.” 

Renjun rubs the nape of his neck and rolls his eyes, pulling Yangyang towards his room. He turns to Donghyuck and waves him off. 

“We’ll just be here, doing bro stuff! Holler when you need me!” 

Once he shuts his door, Yangyang smirks at him. “Yeah, bro stuff.” 

“Shut up before I punch you on the throat,” he threatens him and lunges himself on the bed. 

✩

Yangyang and Renjun met in art appreciation class. Like every other extrovert, Yangyang took Renjun under his wing and basically (annoyingly) attached himself to Renjun, claiming that he doesn’t know any other Chinese person in their year. 

This absolutely was the biggest lie he told him, because Yangyang is friends with probably everyone on campus.

Renjun doesn’t mind, actually. It was nice having someone who shares a piece of home with you. Well, Yangyang is from Germany but he speaks mandarin, so he guesses it’s better than getting nothing at all. 

What Renjun minds is how perceptive Yangyang can be. They haven’t even known each other for that long but he can already sense things about Renjun that he doesn’t want to reveal to everyone else yet. 

Like the fact that he’s in love with his roommate.

He commented about it the first time he joined Renjun, Donghyuck, and Mark in lunch. He stayed quiet for most of the time and only opened his mouth when the other three were talking to him. Which is like, super uncharacteristically quiet for someone like Yangyang who likes to run his mouth on shit that doesn’t even matter. 

When Mark and Donghyuck went to get more banana milk, Yangyang turned to him and shot him an annoying smirk.

“Why are you looking at me like that? I’m gonna punch you,” Renjun seethes. 

He just grins wider and crosses his arms on his chest. “Donghyuck likes Mark.”

“I know. So?” He snaps, picking on the peas he didn’t eat on his plate. 

“And,” he adds, an incredibly smug— and might Renjun add: punchable— face. “You like Donghyuck.” 

His hands go to a halt, and a small, stray pea finds its way on the floor. Yangyang clicks his tongue at him, but still wears that arrogant, knowing look on his face. 

“You’re being so obvious, I don’t know who’s the dumbest one between you three,” he guffaws, making Renjun shove him. 

“Can you shu-”

Donghyuck and Mark come back to their table, sharing puzzled looks at each other when they see how Yangyang is prying off a rabid Renjun.

“So, what did we miss?” Mark asks. “You guys always talk in chinese.”

Yangyang snickers and Renjun subtly (not) kicks him on the shin. “Yangyang’s just being a little bitch.” 

And yes, Yangyang is still a little bitch a few months after pointing out how disgusting and ridiculous Renjun is for still liking someone who probably won’t like him back.

He knows his friend means well, but he doesn’t have to be _that_ straightforward about it. 

“So,” He starts in mandarin. “Why are we listening to a Bieber song?”

Renjun just sighs and turns the volume up higher. 

“Specifically, why are you listening to That Should Be Me on repeat?” 

He just sighs again and drops his phone on his stomach. “I think Donghyuck’s gonna confess to Mark.”

Yangyang tilts his head and prods him to go on with his stupid curious eyes. 

“He said he’s gonna set me up with Sungchan,” he mutters, staring at the neon green stars pasted on his ceiling. 

“Jung Sungchan? Like that soccer prodigy dude?” 

“Yeah, that one.” 

“Damn, he should be the one setting _me_ up with Sungchan not you,” he jests, earning an eye roll from Renjun. “Why though?”

“Because he’s so sure that he and Mark are going to be boyfriends and stuff. I don’t know.” He frowns, still staring at the stars. “And, he doesn’t want me to be lonely when they do end up together.”

Yangyang turns off his speakers and pulls him off the bed. “Stand up.”

“No,” he whines.

“We’re going out. I don’t like having friends that are pathetically listening to a Justin Bieber album from 2010. You’re dampening the vibe, man.” 

“My World 2.0 is a masterpiece, how dare you!” He stubbornly counters, pouting. 

“You’re not even listening to the damn album, it’s just that one song.”

Renjun scowls but lets himself be dragged out by Liu Yangyang. He doesn’t comment on how Yangyang is unbelievably the biggest belieber he knows.

“Atta boy,” he dotes. “Oh, and grab a christmas sweater!” 

> **VIII.**

“Where are we going?” Renjun questions, buckling his seatbelt. Yangyang sits in the driver seat and begins to reverse out on the road. Donghyuck was in their dorm common area when he was being dragged out of their door. Renjun tells him not to wait up for him. 

“Oh, just a party my brothers are throwing,” he shrugs. 

“I keep forgetting that you’re in a frat.”

“Anyway, you’re gonna fit right in. I don’t know why I didn’t introduce them to you sooner, they’re like, all Chinese too.”

“Cool.”

They arrive at Yangyang’s frat house in a few minutes. He goes out of the car and waits for Yangyang to open the door.

A sea of bodies, conveniently wearing red and green, greets the two of them. A crowd circles around Yangyang (and Renjun), everybody seemingly excited to see the other boy.

“Guys, this is Huang Renjun. Huang Renjun, these are my bros.” 

He gives them a shy wave and hides behind Yangyang. A tall guy with a nice physique and red hair approaches him and offers him a fist. He bumps it and smiles.

“Huang Xuxi, nice to meet you little Huang,” Xuxi grins. 

_‘He looks like a puppy,’_ Renjun thinks.

Another boy, this time with pink hair and big excited eyes came up to him and flashes him a toothy smile. “Huang Guanheng, I’m middle Huang.”

“Cool,” Renjun laughs, throwing his head back. “We don’t happen to be relatives right?” 

“Not that I know off,” Xuxi utters “I’m from Hong Kong, man and Guanheng’s from Macau.”

“I’m from Jilin,” Renjun laughs again and turns to the other boy who has yet introduced himself. 

“I’m Xiao Dejun!” He beams, offering Renjun a hand. He shakes it firmly and offers the other a shy smile. “Let’s have fun!”

And fun they did have. It’s been a while since Renjun had a drip of alcohol down his throat. Donghyuck and his friends, though they were to a great extent, unmanageably loud, prefer quiet hangouts like movie nights and cuddling. So he doesn’t actually have a lot of chances to go hard like this. 

Yangyang’s just a little of a bad influence. 

But it’s fine. College is supposed to be like this: experience and stuff. He’s unsure but it is what it is. 

He goes to the kitchen and pours a bottle of tequila into his red solo cup. A little (a lot) tipsy, he wobbly misses the opening of the cup and spills it on his shoes. Admittedly, he was not a lightweight. Renjun was from the north, and anyone who hears about that, knows that they just drink alcohol like water. 

It takes a lot of drinks for him to get to this level of tiddly. 

“Shit,” he grumbles. Renjun shakes it off and lays down his cup to readjust his shoe. 

“Was wondering where you were,” A voice interjects from behind him. His head whips around to see Dejun standing there, extending a hand full of tissue. He grabs it and wipes his ankles and shoes. 

“Thanks,” he mutters. He takes a good look at Dejun and notices how long his eyelashes are, and how pretty and manly his eyebrows are. Renjun takes note of how amazing his cheekbones look and the pink swell of his lips too. He then thinks that in another dimension, he would have a massive crush on Dejun.

He is pretty, but he’s not Donghyuck.

“Do you wanna dance?” Renjun asks. Dejun chuckles and nods in affirmation. 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

When they got to the living area, a crowd encircled Guanheng and Yangyang, who were drunkenly having a dance off. Clumsy limb on top of clumsy limb, it was a sight to see. Dejun claps along with the other spectators until Yangyang concedes, after Guanheng pulls out his secret powermoves which consist of hilarious fortnite dances. 

People begin to surge in the middle of their makeshift dance floor, and Renjun and Dejun follow along. The one manning the speakers plays a loud christmas song remix. 

One that will probably make Donghyuck wince so hard at the ugly layering of beats. Music majors are so hard to please. 

_‘Stop thinking about him’_ Renjun chastises himself, and averts his attention to Dejun who was just bouncing to the beat of the song. He shares a toothy grin with the other boy and jumps along with him.

He feels the alcohol that he consumed ride up his brain, and suddenly his steps felt light. Like he’s floating. His legs don’t work as he commands them, his hands too. Because in a few seconds he already wrapped his arms around Dejun’s neck. 

The other pulls him closer until their bodies are pressed tightly together. Renjun doesn’t know whether his body is listening to him, but he feels it does what it wants. It’s doing as it pleases. 

After a long moment of dancing to shit party songs, he asks Dejun if they want to sit down and just drink. 

They joined Yangyang and the others who were just debating about whether they should adopt another cat. Apparently their senior, Ten, was already planning to but someone in their house is unfortunately allergic. 

Renjun drones them out, focusing on the cup given to him by Xuxi. Never in his life did he think that alcohol can temporarily solve his problems, but there he is... thoughts about a certain roommate pushed at the very back of his mind.

Well, until someone brings him up.

“So, Renjun,” Guanheng begins. “Your friends with Lee Donghyuck, right?”

Yangyang’s eyes widen and he looks at him apprehensively. He then signals to Guanheng to stop talking, but the boy had a curious glint in his eyes. 

Renjun chuckles bitterly and nods his head, taking a swig out of the tequila in his cup. It slushes inside as he tries to grip it tighter. “We’re roommates.”

“Oh. So you know Mark Lee?”

Renjun nods again and Yangyang just shoots daggers onto Guanheng. He doesn’t seem to get the memo though, because he just smiles and nudges Renjun to go on. 

“Yeah, of course,” he slurs a little. 

“Is he and Donghyuck dating?” 

He downs the whole drink, hoping that the answer is in the bottom of the cup. It isn’t so he grabs the bottle and pours himself another.

“I honestly have no idea. But what is it to you?” 

“Mark’s just a cute guy, is all.” He shrugs nonchalantly, drinking from his cup as well. Renjun shifts uncomfortably in his seat and thankfully, Yangyang picks up on it and redirects their topic to this new game he found online. 

Renjun doesn’t listen to any of it. He doesn’t really like to game as much, and the others had been spewing words a hundred miles per hour. He just can’t decipher what words were thrown around. 

Or maybe it seems that way. Nothing makes sense to him anymore. 

“So, what’s your major?” Dejun asks. Renjun forgot that he was still there since he had been silent the entire time, just offering gestures to the others or lightly laughing along the group’s antics. The upbeat roars of the party faintly echoes from where they were seated.

“Fine arts, oriental painting,” he replies, like it’s programmed in him. “You?”

“Chinese language and literature.”

Renjun lets out a shaky breath, masked as a laugh. “You came to Korea to study Chinese?”

Dejun tilts his head into a nod, and lets out a shaky, embarrassed laugh of his own. “Things happened back home, Korea is just a new start for me.”

“Isn’t it for everyone else here?” He mumbles. 

“I guess,” Dejun murmurs, rubbing his arm. “Anyway, why the bad energy?”

Renjun drinks again, the bitter aftertaste of the liquid staining his throat. “Bad energy? I’m doing fine.”

The other snorts, looking at him flippantly. “Dude, I know we just met and all, but anyone here can see that there’s something wrong.”

He lets out a sigh and lays the cup on the table. “Nothing, it’s just boy problems.”

“Ah.” 

They remain quiet for a while as Renjun tries to carry the weight of his head. 

“Is it the Lee Dohyuck guy?”

“Donghyuck.”

“Lee Donghyuck,” Dejun corrects himself sheepishly. Renjun nods and pours more tequila in his cup. Good thing Dejun doesn’t try to push it more, he just smiles at him sadly.

“That’s rough.”

“Yeah, very,” He snickers bitterly, downing the cup again. 

“Tell me about it.”

Words and nonsensical sentences come spilling out of his mouth nonstop, and all the emotions he had been bottling up for so long burst out of him in different colors. Red because he’s angry at himself for letting his crush drag on for so long. Blue because he’s sad that he knows that there is no chance for him and Donghyuck to escalate whatever level they’re at. Green because internally, he knows he’ll always be envious of Mark and their bond. 

And though it is not a color, there is black because in the end, he’d train himself to be numb. Let all the colors be sucked dry out of his system.

Fuck, here he is comparing his feelings and colors to a stranger in some christmas frat party. Pathetic little thing, almost laughable. 

“You don’t wanna say this all to him? He might understand,” Dejun notes. 

He shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t wanna risk anything. Even though it hurts, I’d endure it for the sake of not ruining our friendship.”

“I guess you could look at it that way,” He mutters, biting his lip in deep thought. “But give it a thought, alright?”

Renjun nods as Yangyang calls the two of them and invites them to dance again. They carelessly obliged and let their friends pull them into the center. Renjun tries to feel how hot his cheeks are, they must look incredibly red now. While he dances, the earth felt like he was swaying with it and his thoughts drifted in and out like the tide. 

He tries to focus on Dejun and think about the other universe where he’d like someone like him. He was gentle with his words, Donghyuck was brash. Their bodies fit perfectly together and their heights were perfect for each other. Dejun holds him carefully, like he’s exploring uncharted territories, like he was calibrating each and every move. Donghyuck would just go all out and leap straight in. 

He pulls Dejun closer, impossibly closer, and presses a ghost of a kiss on his lips. Dejun’s eyes widens and he just stands there a little stunned. 

Liquid courage. This is what it is. 

Nonetheless, he dives and captures Renjun’s lips with his. They move like that for what seems like an eternity, but Renjun realizes what was happening. 

His mouth opens on its own and before he can stop it, words come out of him like vomit. He hopes Dejun didn’t hear it, but it looks like he did. 

_“I wish I liked you instead of Donghyuck.”_

> **IX.**

Dejun steadies him and guides him to where Yangyang is lying down on the floor. He tries kicking Yangyang but he just just stirs in his sleep. The frat house emptied out a little while ago, those who were left were the ones who were too shitfaced drunk to go straight home. 

“I guess I have to take you home,” Dejun tells him. Renjun just tries to stabilize his vision and stand straight so he doesn’t fall flat to his face. “Yangyang’s too plastered to even get up.”

“It’s aight,” he slurs, following Dejun out to where his car is parked. 

“What’s your dorm building?”

“The one in front of the university cafe,” he mutters, closing his eyes. Renjun feels deep slumber envelop his entirety. 

In no time, someone pokes him awake. He groans and turns away stubbornly.

“Renjun, wake up. We’re here,” Dejun whispers gently. He opens his eyes slowly and grumbles incomprehensible words under his breath. 

He leads Renjun to the elevator and he haphazardly presses the 9th floor button, almost pressing three other buttons in the process. They walk down to the end of the hallway where Renjun and Donghyuck’s dorm is. 

Well, Dejun walks and Renjun kind of staggers. 

When they reach the door, he smiles lazily and giggles at Dejun. “Thanks, Jun.”

“No problem, Jun.” He chuckles and rings the doorbell. Renjun almost slips to the ground while he tries to balance himself, and the other just wraps an arm around him to steady him. 

The door opens and out comes Donghyuck. Renjun peels himself off Dejun and jumps onto Donghyuck. Like muscle memory, he wraps his arms around Renjun. 

“Donghyuckie!” Renjun garbles. “My best friend, Donghyuckie.”

“He drank a lot,” Dejun says, softly staring at Renjun. “Take good care of him.” 

“Yeah, who are you?”

“Xiao Dejun. I’m a new friend? I don’t know,” he rambles. “Just don’t hurt him.”

“I would never, he’s my best friend.”

“Yeah, you aren’t sure about that,” Dejun says. He leans in Renjun’s ear and whispers in mandarin, “Call when you need me.”

Renjun hums and waves him goodbye.

> **X.**

When Renjun wakes up, he feels his head splitting in two. The sunlight peeking through his blinds effectively burning his eyes. 

Groaning and covering his face with a rogue stuffed toy, he thinks about what happened last night between him and Dejun, and he wants the earth to swallow him whole. He hates the version of himself last night. 

The clock on the corner of his room ticks to 11 but he feels his body glued to his bed. A knock on his door, cuts him out of his self-loathing.

“Renjun, come out and eat breakfast,” Donghyuck calls. He responds with a bull-headed grunt and turns to lies on his belly. 

“Stop being stubborn, I bought you Pocari Sweat and made you soup.”

Renjun sighs and begrudgingly walks to their kitchen counter. Donghyuck sits before him and digs in his sandwich and eggs. 

“I have an excuse for waking up so late, what about you?” Renjun asks him groggily, noticing the other’s disheveled state. 

“I do have an excuse.”

“What?”

“You are so annoying when you’re drunk,” he scoffs and takes a bite from his breakfast. Renjun follows him and takes a sip of the energy drink. 

“Oh my god,” he groans. “What did I do?”

“Nothing, you were just incredibly clingy and touchy.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, but those aren’t actions done in spite. “Don’t act like you hate it, Hyuck. You’re the clingiest person I know.”

He purses his lips until a big smile breaks on his face. “Yeah, I liked it.” 

Renjun ignores how his heart picks up its pace and how he swears there was a pitfall in his stomach just now. Awkwardly coughing, Donghyuck takes a sip of his coffee and avoids Renjun’s gaze. A beat passes and he opens his mouth. A beat passes and he opens his mouth.

“Renjun.”

He hums.

“Have I ever hurt you before?” Donghyuck asks, looking intently into his tired eyes. “Like, did I and you didn’t tell me?”

Renjun stills, heart beating against his ribcage, like it was going to explode any second now. Obviously, Donghyuck has hurt him before but Renjun’s too prideful to admit that. It’s not like he does it intentionally, so he shakes his head.

“No, what led you to ask that?”

The other boy just waves it off and shakes his head frantically. “No, it’s just the guy that brought you home last night told me some stuff.”

“What did he say?” he questions, slowly. “Wait, what guy?”

Honestly, after dancing the first time, he cannot— for the life of him— remember what happened. Everything was pitch black and there weren’t even traces or blurbs of the things he said or did.

“The guy? His name was Dejun, I think. You know, amazing eyebrows?” He rasps out, looking a tad bit annoyed when he mentioned Dejun’s name.

“Oh, yeah. What did he say?”

“He implied that I hurt you? I don’t know, maybe my brain was just fuzzy and I might have misinterpreted it. It was super late,” he rants, taking another sip of his coffee. “Anyway, you said some things about him too.”

“What?”

Donghyuck presses his lips together but a sigh escapes it. “You said you guys kissed.”

And for the nth time in their conversation, Renjun just mutters an unintelligible, “Oh.”

“Yeah, no worries. You can kiss who you want!” Donghyuck asserts, forcing a supportive and friendly grin on his face. “I’m so happy for you, Jun.”

And for a small fraction of that moment, he sees Donghyuck falter. Exactly the way he did when he found out about his _undying_ love for Mark. Or maybe he just imagined it. His head still feels like it’s incapacitated so maybe it’s a trick of light.

Weird. 

> **XI.**

There’s been a shift in the way things work inside their dorm. Usually, there’s a certain softness to the way they hover around each other. Also, there’s usually the unspoken domesticity that perfuses between them.

But right now, Renjun can’t help but think that he’s done something wrong because Donghyuck had been avoiding him like the plague the whole day. After breakfast, he dipped and went straight to his room and only answered Renjun in dry, short responses.

He ignores it, thinking that maybe there are things that his best friend is going through that he doesn’t know. He’s not entitled to know everything Donghyuck is thinking. 

“I’m going out. Gonna buy some gifts,” Donghyuck tells him while he sketches on his iPad in their living room. 

“Do you want me to come with?” 

He holds up a hand and shakes his head. “No, I’ll be fine.”

Renjun frowns and goes back to drawing. “Oh, okay. Have fun then.”

☆

It has been two days since he’s talked to Donghyuck and Renjun doesn’t know whether he wants to feel pissed about it or not. Because he is so unsure if he did or said something wrong, or if it’s a whole other ordeal. Either way, this is the longest time that they coexisted without talking, and somehow it’s adding up to how unhinged he’s been feeling. 

Renjun knows he wants to get away from Donghyuck (just for the sake of his sanity and his heart) but he never knew that it would be this hard. 

To forget how pathetic he feels, he spends his time preparing his gifts for his family back at home, scowling at how disorganized the gift wrap is. He refolds the wrapping paper again, trying to fit the pair of couple sweaters he got for Winwin and Jaehyun, but ultimately fails. This is what he gets for cramming everything. 

Donghyuck is just there in their dorm common room, playing on his xbox. It’s only meters away, yet it feels so far. Their heating system is on, yet it feels so cold. 

Trying to calm himself and ignoring the heavy atmosphere between them, he scraps the wrapping paper and starts again. The game music pauses and Donghyuck slowly walks up to him.

“Do you need some help?” He asks Renjun.

Actually he really, really needs some help. For some reason, he wants it as pristine and crisp as possible, but apparently his mind is too occupied with thinking of something (or maybe someone) else. 

Part of him wants to say yes, he needs help. He wants to talk to him again. But then there’s a part of him that is kind of mad at Donghyuck for the silent treatment. 

The latter wins.

He shakes his head and goes back to cutting and measuring. 

“Oh, are you sure? You seem to be struggling.”

“Yes, I’m sure, Hyuck,” He snaps, words laced with animosity. 

He raises his hands up in surrender and starts retreating back to the couch to resume his game. Renjun huffs and slowly, _sloooowly,_ folds the wrapping paper. 

The game sounds were put to a pause again. Donghyuck turns to him and stares silently. He’s been pushing Renjun’s buttons and it’s working. He feels his blood pressure gradually go up and his eyes start twitching. 

“Didn’t anyone tell you it’s rude to stare?” He spits out at Donghyuck.

Ignoring his question, he asks, “Injun, are you mad?” 

He tries to spew out a spiteful statement, a product of how Donghyuck is successfully annoying him right now. But Renjun’s a clown. He can pretend to get mad at him but deep down, his feelings overpower anything else. Donghyuck can push him in front of a bus mean girls style, and he’d never blame it on him. 

“No,” he sighs. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I can never be mad at you,” He mumbles with sincere softness.

“Aren’t you gonna ask why I was ignoring you? I know you’ve been holding yourself back.”

He purses his lips and puts the gift he’s wrapping aside. “Alright, why were you ignoring me? That’s the longest time we’ve ever gone without talking, Hyuck. I didn’t know whether I did something wrong or if I said something that made you angry at me,” he rambles. “You wouldn’t even look me in the eye!”

He sighs and turns off the game console. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

“No wait, let me explain myself.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to,” Renjun asserts.

“I’m gonna explain.”

“No, you really don’t need to.”

“Do you even know me? You know I’m gonna win if this goes on.” 

Renjun smiles and just concedes. “Fine, go ahead."

He releases a breath, as if he had been holding it in for such a long time and starts to talk. “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it to drag on for days. I just had something on my mind that’s been bugging me.” 

“If you had something in mind, you could’ve told me,” Renjun pouts. Something in his gut churns, and every possible negative scenario runs in his head. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No!” He bellows, which surprises the both of them. “No. It’s just something I need to face alone.”

“Oh, well if that’s the case, I hope you figure it out soon,” He mutters, offering Donghyuck a smile. He walks over to the boy, leaving the mess of gifts on the floor, and hugs him tightly.

“I’m always here for you, you know that right?”

Donghyuck nods and hugs him back. “You’re the best, Injun.”

“I know.”

> **XII.**

This time, Renjun is a hundred percent sure the universe is conspiring against him. Today is his flight to Wenzhou and coincidentally, today was the first snowfall in Seoul. Renjun doesn’t know whether that’s good or bad, but either way he tries to ignore how he’s shivering under so many layers of clothes. 

He may be from the north and it may be negative numbered temperatures there, but he can never get used to it. Every bit of him from his hair follicle to the last piece of atom in him quivers in the cold. 

Taking his suitcase to their door, he first makes sure to write down all the errands Donghyuck needs to fulfill for him. Like watering his plants and buying sufficient groceries for a week.

And maybe to remind him that he shouldn’t eat so much take out. He shouldn’t also forget to do his laundry. Or microwave hot pockets for longer than it should. 

God, how will Donghyuck live without him?

Attaching the note to their refrigerator with a random magnet, he goes to their doorway and prepares his luggage. Donghyuck walks him out and beams.

“Text me when you land! And don’t forget to buy me souvenirs!” 

“It’s Wenzhou not Australia,” he deadpans. Donghyuck flicks his forehead but proceeds to fix the beanie on his head dotingly anyway. Renjun pretends that little gesture doesn’t tug on his heartstrings. 

“Yeah whatever, loser.”

He goes to the sidewalk to hail a cab but then he spins on his heels to where Donghyuck was watching him. He had a prophetic vision about this happening: him confessing before he leaves for the airport, but that dream was cut short by the blaring of his alarm. It was already in his discretion if he wanted to take that as a sign.

_Do it. Confess to him now._

Renjun fumbles with his fingers, trying to alleviate whatever nerves were preventing him from saying everything.

_Go. Say it or forever hold your peace._

“Don’t do anything stupid,” he ends up saying. The other just rolls his eyes and grins. 

“Of course, what do you think of me?”

He’s a fucking coward.

✩

When Renjun arrived at the airport, he had been informed that his flight had been delayed. It would be alright despite his tight— _extremely tight_ — schedule if the delay was only for a few minutes. He can wait 30 minutes, but the flight is delayed for 4 hours. The wedding would be over by the time he lands and Sicheng is going to have his head on a platter. 

Air traffic they say. They also said bad weather. Whatever, he thinks. He’s dead meat anyway. 

He calls his cousin to inform him about the situation he’s in and was surprised to hear that Sicheng actually doesn’t care that much because of the wedding jitters. Renjun’s sure he’s going to be disappointed with how this is playing out for him after the ceremony. He’s also so sad about not seeing Sicheng walk down the aisle and him crying on the sidelines just like how he imagined it to be. 

He cancels his flight, which takes at least an hour of talking and fighting with airport staff. Apparently, there’s a cancellation fee that he needs to pay because he cancelled on the day of the flight. And apparently, his ticket was non-refundable. 

The universe really has its way for ticking him off. 

After (successfully) returning his ticket, he hails a cab home again. 

> **XIII.**

When he got back to their dorm, he was already so worn out. He shoves his coat and gloves on their doorstep, thinking that he can deal with that later. All Renjun wants is a nice cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows and probably a comforting hug from his weighted blanket.

He puts his suitcase beside their small common room desk and heads to the kitchenette so he can prepare himself a cup of sweet, _well-deserved_ cocoa. While opening the packet, a shrill sound surprises him and it makes him drop the marshmallows on the floor. 

“What the fuck?”

“Hey, my marshmallows!”

He tilts his head up to meet Donghyuck’s stupefied gaze. The other boy, dramatically clutching his chest and heaving heavily just sighs. 

“Renjun! I thought you were at the airport!” He yelps, still clutching his chest. “I thought we were being robbed!”

“Sorry! I forgot to text you that I cancelled my flight because it was delayed. I wouldn’t be able to join the wedding or anything else,” He says, a grimace lining his features. Donghyuck softens and cautiously walks over to Renjun. 

“How are you feeling?”“Sad, I wanted to see Sicheng cry. I guess I can have my other cousins take a video of that for me. But tired mostly. I just wanted hot cocoa and my weighted blanket, but I spilled my marshmallows.”

Donghyuck chuckles, and goes to their cupboards to get another pack of marshmallows for him. He hands it over to Renjun and sits beside him. The other gladly accepts it and pours all of it into his mug contently, a soft hum escaping his lips. 

“Do you wanna have a movie marathon?” Hyuck suggests, perhaps as a way to comfort him.

“Do we watch it under a weighted blanket?”

“Sure, I don’t see why not?”

✩

They cram themselves on Renjun’s small bed and cover themselves under the blanket. This scene is nothing new to the both of them and no one ever complains about the intensely close proximity they’re in. Perhaps it’s because Renjun liked how warm Donghyuck was, and perhaps— Renjun hopes, cross fingered— that Donghyuck likes it too. 

Pacific Rim plays on Donghyuck’s laptop, fighting sounds resonating throughout the room. Yet all Renjun can hear right now is the thumping of his heart. He looks up to his ceiling of glow in the dark stars and ignores the way Donghyuck’s legs were mindlessly thrown around him and how an arm wrapped around Renjun, making him feel all sorts of giddy. 

“You’re not paying attention,” Donghyuck points out. 

“I am.”

“Jun, this is your favorite film. You didn’t even recite one line, it’s kinda concerning,” he says, eyes shimmering with a teasing glint. 

“I don’t always recite the lines,” he argues weakly which makes the other laugh. Oh, but he does. He’s memorized this film, knows all the lines more than the school readings his art history professor gave them.

“Something on your mind?”

A big, fat no lies on the tip of his tongue, but he summons every bit of courage in him and opts to hum in agreement instead. There is no turning back now. 

“Hyuck,” he starts, making the other boy look at him seriously. “I have something to say to you. You don’t have to say anything back, please. I just want to get this over with.”

Donghyuck nods, pausing the movie. 

The words get stuck in Renjun’s throat, lodging itself before they could reach Donghyuck. So for a few seconds, he stares. In overdrive, his mind attempts to piece together every word that conveys how he fills. The chest he kept locked away is now open, yet he can’t spit it out into coherent sentences. Nothing works.

Renjun doesn’t think. He never does. 

“Injun, breathe.” 

He nods weakly, taking in air through his nose and expelling it through his mouth. Renjun takes one look at Donghyuck’s expectant face, and everything spills out from him.

“I like you, Donghyuck. No, I love you and I have for a while now, but I know that you can never reciprocate that and I understand. I just wanna get this out of my chest because I’ve been keeping this since forever and I am so, _so_ scared of ruining our friendship. You’re the most special person in my life and as pathetic and ridiculous as it sounds, I don’t think I can function without you. I know I can never be up to parr with Mark, but if you’re happy with him, then I will completely support you because I am so stupidly in love with you it literally hurts.”

Astonished, Donghyuck sits there, mouth slightly ajar. Renjun brings his legs to his chest and fights the urge to cry. Waiting for the other to react and say something felt like hours though only seconds passed after his whole confession.

All Donhyuck says is a breathless, “wow.” 

This irritates Renjun a little, because he expected something more than “wow.” He expected rejection not, “wow.”

“What do you mean ‘wow’?”

Donghyuck’s eyebrows shoot up and he just laughs airily. This irritates Renjun more. 

“I- I like you too, Injunnie,” He tells him. 

This time, it was Renjun’s eyebrows that shot up. Damn he didn’t expect that. 

“You must be joking. Hyuck, this isn’t funny!”

“I’m not joking!” He defends, seriousness flooding his whole demeanor. “I’m being for real, Renjun.”

“B-but… but,” Renjuns sputters. “You said you love Mark!”

“Yeah, I did. But he likes Huang Guanheng, so I didn’t try to pursue him anymore. Besides, he told me I was like his younger brother.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I mean it hasn’t been Mark for a while. But then the day after you came home drunk, I had to reflect on some stuff. I realized that I wasn’t really in love with him, he’s just a cover up because the real person I liked was you.”

Renjun couldn’t comprehend all of that, so he just resorts to staring again. No words come out of him, and he thinks it physically cannot go past his mouth because his brain is just a mess from the sudden confession. 

Donghyuck takes his silence as a reason to explain himself more and so he continues. “I forced myself to like Mark because I am more afraid of hurting you. And I genuinely thought I had no chance with you.”

This elicits an unreserved laugh from Renjun who just shoves him a little too much that he topples over. “You are a fucking idiot.”

“I’m a what?”

“Hyuck, I get that you’re dense but I didn’t think you’d be _that_ dense,” he chuckles. “I thought I was obvious!”

He pouts and Renjun contemplates punching it or kissing it off his face. Violent tendencies aside, he really wants to do the latter. 

And so he does because with matters like this, Renjun doesn’t think. He just does.

Time seemed to stop the moment Renjun’s lips touched Donghyuck’s. It was electrifying and it made his insides tremble. His toes curl and his heart flutters just a little. He’s fantasized about this moment a lot in the past, and he can’t believe that it is happening. Renjun keeps his eyes half-shut, trying to peek at the other to make sure he isn’t just imagining everything.

When they come up for air, he unconsciously touches his lips and smiles silly. Donghyuck grins, the brightest he’s ever seen him before. He pushes him again and huffs jokingly, “I can’t believe we could’ve been doing that before. I hate you.”

With the same silly smile plastered on his face, Donghyuck just shakes his head. “You love me.”

“Yeah, I do,” he says and kisses him again.

 _This_. 

Renjun can do this all the time. Kissing Donghyuck, taking all of him in. His coconut smell, his warm body, his gentle touches, his incredibly long eyelashes brushing Renjun’s face. 

_Him._

  
  


> **XIV.**

The moment Renjun wakes up, he grins as if he woke up from an amazingly good dream. It probably was. But then he hears soft snores from the body beside him and he realizes it wasn’t and it makes him giggle softly like an idiot. 

He faces Donghyuck and stares at him before nuzzling his face in the juncture of the other’s neck. This makes him stir in his sleep and his eyes flitter awake. 

“Merry Christmas,” he mumbles, offering him a semblance of a smile. Donghyuck leans over and kisses his eyelid. Renjun thinks he was aiming for the temple, but the other’s sleepy state was just endearing and cute so he just looks past it.

“Merry Christmas.”

They talked about it more the previous night, that was why they both slept so late. Everything feels so unreal to Renjun and the other said the same thing. They’re just fools, and they still are. 

It takes them a while to get out of bed, because Donghyuck thought it would be a good idea to pepper him with kisses. He doesn’t mind it. In fact, he’d want to do it all day.

“Don’t you go kissing other boys, Huang Renjun,” he mumbles, placing a kiss on the top of Renjun’s nose. 

“Are you talking about Dejun?” He teases. “Were you jealous?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought about you while kissing him.” 

Donghyuck kisses him languidly and lovingly. “You’re so… God,” he sighs.

“Nope I’m just Renjun.”

“Shut up you smartass,” he rolls his eyes and kisses him again. 

After all of that, they finally get out of bed. Renjun heads out to their kitchenette to prepare a meal but finds himself a little lazy so he just orders out, hoping there'll be a restaurant open that delivers on Christmas. 

He finds one and sits leisurely on the couch beside Donghyuck who was just scrolling through his phone. Renjun finds it a little funny that they ordered out when both of them can cook perfectly fine, Donghyuck finds it cute that he finds it funny. 

“I think you don’t wanna cook because you want to be spending time with me,” Donghyuck rags. In all honesty, Renjun thinks that it really could be the reason, he just doesn’t want to feed the other boy’s ego, so he just shrugs.

Their doorbell rings and he opens it to receive their order. Renjun places the bags on their counter and unwraps the food containers. He feels an arm snake around his waist from behind and hot breaths on his neck. 

“The food smells so good,” Donghyuck utters. He wasn’t even smelling the food, because his nose is nestled in Renjun’s hair. 

Although this should be normal for them, Renjun can’t help the blush that creeps up from his neck to his cheeks. “Yeah.”

They eat in comfortable silence, and Donghyuck volunteers to clean up after which he appreciates a lot. And while he does his thing over there, Renjun puts on Home Alone on their tv, waiting for the other boy to come. 

After Donghyuck is done, he snuggles beside Renjun and watches quietly. They don’t even make it halfway through the second movie until Donghyuck captures Renjun in a lazy makeout session.

“You’re so clingy,” Renjun quips, but indulges him anyway. 

“Please, you like it anyway.”

He doesn’t have a reply to the statement that can pacify Donghyuck’s raging confidence and ego so he just shuts the other up with the newfound method he discovered. Renjun dives in and pecks Donghyuck on the lips. 

✩

After finishing the whole Home Alone franchise, they eat the leftover food they ordered a while ago and crack open a few beers. They’d been sitting on the kitchen counter talking about anything that comes up to mind and just laughing along to the other’s stories when Donghyuck looked like he had a lightbulb moment.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe we forgot presents!” He exclaims, scurrying to throw away his paper plates and utensils to run to his room. Renjun looks at him fondly and cleans up too, fetching the paper bag beside his bedside table after.

When he went back to their common room, Donghyuck was already sitting down on the floor, a book wrapped in a yellow ribbon in his hands. He joins him and they exchange excited smiles. 

Renjun goes first and hands him the present. It was just a Nintendo switch case he found online, and Donghyuck had been complaining about his switch not having a case for a long time. 

He opens it and brightens when he sees what it was. “Injun! Thank you! I literally needed one but I can’t find one that I liked.”

Donghyuck reaches over and hugs Renjun. He goes back to his place and hands Renjun the book. 

He eagerly unties the ribbon and opens the book which turns out to be a scrapbook. A polaroid of him and Donghyuck taken on their first cafe trip welcomes him on the first page.

**_OUR FIRST CAFE STUDY DATE TOGETHER_ **

His present feels so inconsequential compared to this but he just continues to flip the page to see more pictures of them together. Selfies and pictures taken by Mark decorate the page, also cute little kitten stickers. 

The pages seem to be filled with trinkets of pictures, receipts, movie tickets, and other things that Renjun thought Donghyuck didn’t keep. He laughs at the piece of cloth stapled to one of the pages, remembering the time he cut up Donghyuck’s shirt as revenge for spilling coffee on one of his plates. If he thought he could never fall more for the other boy, he thought wrong because going through the scrapbook, he felt so special.

He was special to Donghyuck as much as he was to Renjun’s. 

When he turned to the last page, he was surprised that it was empty except for a sticky note. He looks to Donghyuck who is just nervously biting his nails and back to the note.

_Renjun! Merry Christmas! I hope this scrapbook is up to your snobby art student standards, but I tried my best okay :( anyway, this page is blank because I wanted to decorate it with you after I tell you something incredibly important._

_Please talk to me after seeing this note, so we can start on it already! ^^ love you!_

Donghyuck clears his throat and smiles warmly. “I was supposed to confess to you, but you freaking beat me to it.”

Renjun cracks up at that, something tender and fond blooming inside of him. 

“Anyway, I had this whole poetic speech planned but it seemed to have dissolved away the moment we kissed last night. I’d just like to say, if it weren’t obvious enough that I love you so much too.”

“I know.”

Donghyuck shushes him and continues on, “This is gonna sound extremely, _extremely_ cheesy and I’d like if you don’t tease me about it after but listen, okay?”

Renjun nods. 

“When I’m with you, I feel like I drank hot cocoa. When you embrace me, it feels like I’m under the weighted blanket you love so much. When I see you smile, it looks like the christmas lights in our dorm lobby’s christmas tree. When you laugh, it sounds like a thousand little bells that ring around the streets. When I see you, I temporarily forget about how far I am from my family because you’re there beside me. You, Huang Renjun, made yourself my home. And I am so thankful for you, it feels like I owe you my whole entire being.” 

Renjun never thought it would be like that. Well, he never thought he’d end up like this with Donghyuck. _Ever._ Yet here he is, listening to Donghyuck pour out his heart for him. 

“It always feels like Christmas when I’m with you,” Donghyuck says, leaning over and tilting his head. He slots their lips together and immediately melted against the other’s body.

While it was pouring white outside and snow was painting the roads, they were inside, warm body to warm body acting as a remedy to everything that led up to this moment. Renjun had dreamt about this before the first snow fell, and he will keep dreaming about it before the first snow melts away. 

Because it turns out, the universe doesn’t hate him after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
